This is what Toastmasters is For?

editor’s note: Our dude, Gene [st. Charles] Simmons, went to jail for statutory rape when he was only 19-years-old, just to get told by a correction officer that one day he would earn an income off this story, which made him never want to have kids in the first place.

it costs money…..

I wasn’t looking.
Zacharya [middle name] Schaffer

I intentionally penetrated her while I had her on her back, and yes, I did it to hurt her, just to get her to ‘want me to hold her,’ because I am a dishonest liar who cannot own my own ineptitude when it comes to talking to a therapist about what happened.

A voice: Why was this on your heart, Mr. Schaeffer.

Zach: It happened while I was in high school and yes I didn’t know any better.

Voice: That’s not good enough. I think you did it because you simply thought anal sex was cool and she agreed to it beforehand, and when confronted by a lot of immediate family members now about the rumor they’re hearing that you tried to get out of your ‘punishment’ by saying you can be defended, simply have to admit, you’re a a fucking deucebag. You hate women because you hate yourself because you rather hurt another humane creation than accept responsibility for your own actions. This is why you have confidence issues because your own heart is trying to tell you you’re lying to everyone about what you did to cover up your actions, and when told to confess to your coworkers, confessed your own crimes in a way that avoid accepting any responsibilities for your actions but merely was an attempt to demean a woman none of your coworkers had even heard of.

Zach: Yes, I am guilty of this.

Voice: Then you violated your own conscious and will spend many years dwelling over this issue, and one day realize you could embrace your way of avoiding accepting one’s responsibility because you rather hurt other people than yourself. Perhaps you should just start talking about how you are a deuce bag to coworkers and work on framing your confession from your own first-person perspective, rather than trying to make this a scene where you ‘boast’ about fucking a girl in the ass in order to get her to hug you because you want to feel better about your desire to have anal sex.

Zach: Yes, I will try my best to explain my actions in a way that frames it from my own perspective, instead of trying to ‘put down’ other women who know deep down in their hearts and have said many times they are guilty of this as well.

Voice: Much better, Zach. Much better.

Your concious,

Gene Simmsons,
his actual biological father

February 5, 2023