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An apology for the inclusion of Mr. Yunioshi in Breakfast at Tiffany’s

Outline:

If we are going to acknowledge that Mr. Yunioshi is an offensive Japanese stereotype, can we all just admit that Mr. Yunioshi is supposed to be Asian?

For every Gandhi and Simpsons fan out there, the joke behind Mickey Rooney’s big performance but small consideration for all things Asian theater is simply some American’s own ignorance that we don’t even have knowledge of the very forbidden terminology we are looking for when trying to Google Japanese caricatures in this very forbidden realm of art.

With this [insert term], we must simply acknowledge even the greatest self-declared film critics of all time (TM) seem to miss the joke about stunt casting, especially during a very liberal-minded 1960s post-classic Hollywood era when it was progressive to cast a Caucasian actor in a Japense-character’s role.

With nationalities out of the way, even the character of Mr. Yunioshi will demand we call him Japanese-American, as he insists he has his visa to US Customs agents who keep banging on his front door in his very Posh Manhatten door to an apartment even fewer can afford.

While Mr. Rooney was very sorry for the performance he supposedly gave in Michael’s formerly favorite film “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”, the humor in all of this is that Romney probably was sleeping while giving this stock performance, as he was simply acknowledging Hollywood and Germany’s own racist past, as this was an archaic and very taboo form of humor that few can appreciate.

While Rooney will never disown the role or film, sadly, the film seems to have been denigrated pretty badly in recent American film criticism, as the insult is that Truman Capote’s lighthearted but heartfelt little gem of a movie is a good film, but sadly has to have the disclaimer that it does have an ‘offensive’ character.

While stereotypes tend to offend woke immigrants, there is truth to most national-based jokes, in that they are meant to make ignorant theater goes think about why the character was included in the first place.

The first thought for most is that the 60s were a time of ignorance and cultural insensitivity, which our Holy Lord and Supreme Leader Gloria Steneim-Martinez will insist they were, but if we’re being honest, Hollywood producers probably forced the director of the film, one [insert director’s name], to at least consider why they made this very obvious attempt to make some classic film buffs laugh at the buffoonery on display.

Michael did laugh and appreciated the humor, but he’s also a fan of Dragon Ball the uncut and subtitled Anime behemoth that even he gets offended by the somewhat admires, despite the headache he got from watching every single damn episode in the longest-running television cartoon ever broadcast in all of human history (TM).

With that mouthful out of the way, bad humor acknowledged, his privilege is simply acknowledging he’s not from Manhatten and is very in-tune with color, tho he’s now calling Mr. Yunioshi Italian, and perhaps a WASP, as Rooney probably auditioned for the Godfather Pt. 2, tho you won’t believe him.

With this all said, at least Google Images is acknowledging that Mr. Yunioshi was a minority character, tho Mr. Yunioshi himself is now offended that he’s a minority, as he was in the majority of the film.

He doesn’t understand the term ‘whitewashed’, as he keeps insisting he used to be colorblind but now is simply ‘colorless.’

With all this mouthful said, he admits yes he did have a lip defect and yeah he hated his unbrushed teeth and maybe he was in need of a better optical insurance plan, but at least he made someone laugh.

But all seriousness aside, and believe me, we are serious, the offensiveness we now must consider is why the secret screenwriter Truman Capote would decide to make Mr. Yunioshi an offensive stereotype when not all landlords in Manhatten were that demanding.

Look, he was just pissed off because of how loud his downstairs neighbor was, and yeah the water got shut off because no one was paying rent. But if we’re going to try to find a reason that a landlord in a posh Manhatten apartment would both back then and currently be found offensive, remember he’s Japanese-American, and definitely not Chinese, and will not back down when the garbage needs to be collected and no one has paid his rent.

We won’t call him a slumlord, but if we’re going to find him, racist, now that’s just downright insulting and wrong-termed.

Mr. Yunioshi was a classic of ancient Japanese Anime and was sorry back in the 40s and now the 90s for having a lip defect, as he clearly didn’t get the message that those damn Jehovas kept banging on his door about.

Now he wants the healing but realizes he’s out of a job, as Mr. Rooney has to explain how he used fake teeth to create that damn offensive lip defect, as Michael has to explore the Bingverse and try to figure out the correct terminology for a lip defect, when Rooney was just homage the gods before him of ancient Japanese theater, when they too were booed offstage and called offensive, even going back to the 1840s.

I guess as Sherlock Holmes and some American-Chines Mr. Who-style character now go hide in a bush because Yeshua demands they all get up and retire, Michael and Steven Spielberg himself insist the character was funny, as they admired and even laughed with the guy, but then again, Audrey Hepburn was probably bipolar type I while Michael insists she was probably slightly hypomanic, tho she was most definitely not a Pixie girl.

That too is just downright insulting!

But yes, Michael, Steven Speilberg, and most definitely Sir, George Lucas himself are not Asian-American, nor Japanese-American, nor even European-American, but maybe Caucasian and hopefully from Ohio, but as long as we’re being honest, he wasn’t whitewashed.

No Japanese man on earth would want to portray a super smash-single money-makeking machine that was the character the forced the belitted and spitted-upon Mickey Rooney to retire, as he realized no one will ever appreciate his damn faux-lip defect and shitty glasses, as he was probably just auidtitioning for the Godfather Pt. 2 and embarrassed about the fucking tan he had from falling asleep in the very futuristic and Asian-like tanning booth he got to enjoy in his jealousy-inducing Hollywood Hills estate that his damn Hollywood studio-owner insisted he rent out to do a photoshoot for.

So yeah, Mr. Yunioshi was now handicapped but insists he doesn’t have American Disability Insurance but is considering SSDRI and maybe that Medicare Advantage plan as he now realized Walmart is in Harlem but doesn’t have enough cash for a taxi to get there as no one has paid their damn rent and yeah the garbage needs collected.

But hey, at least he get’s a good penis-joke when every uncast Asian-American actor insists they’re not Korean but Chinese when you question their Mandarin-speaking skills while serving ‘sushi’ at your favorite Chinese buffet in Los Angeles, because even they know stereotypes never amke money but definitely cause them to retire and perhaps get to rent-out a fabulous Hollywood Hill jealous-inducing estate that some studio owner is forcing them to do a photoshoot in so their wifes can shut about micropenises and finally acknolwedge they do exist, as Mickey Rooney was very big and powerful, while some of us Asian-Americans, but definitely note Chinese-Americans, tho probably very Korean-Americans, are very very small and undesired, as we are only good at making bored housewifes and pregnant women laugh while husbands can sigh that they can acknolwedge micropenises do exist, as some women get to become STEM-majors that aren’t nurses and understand why women make the slide joke while playing with their damn microscopes.

So please, give Mr. Yunioshi a break, as even Mr. Myoshi admired his performance while acknowledging he was indeed nominated for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar for the Karate Kid, Pt. 1, and no, he doesn’t have a body anymore, but he does admire the Japanese, tho he is very Chinese-American and does have his visa ready when he boards his 1980s plane in San Francisco, as he too has to pay rent in the form of land taxes that no one believes helps pay for his mother’s garbage pickup, as he too now has to rent a Hollywood Hills estate that is jealousy-inducing that his new studio owner insists he do a photoshoot in.

So yeah, not all stereotypes are meant to inclusive, some are meant to be offensive, but if we’re going to insult some damn landlord in Manhatten because they too are stereotypes in themselves and probably just being loud and annoying because no one has paid rent, then yes, they now admit Yeshua de Bethlehem is their lord and savior and that they are very sorry for how they behaved on the set of that 1968 Hollywood production but now, Mrs. Hepburn was okay, she just needed time to herself as she figured out why she wasn’t cleaning her apartment while offset during the film, as she just was trying to figure out where her cat was hiding, and yes, she was sorry the whole time she was on set with Mr. Rooney because they kept asking why she wasn’t paying rent, as she too had to help with the garbage pickup while on set and would never laugh at such an offensive stereotype, tho Michael admits he probably would have snorted, and yes, he too enjoys the film and performance but finds the character non-offensive, but just knows deep down in his DragonBall broken-in bones that this is clearly an homage to some ancient Asian-theater [term] that he proably heard of while watching the DVD-bonus material for his former favorite film “Akira,” as he too write plays and enjoys caricatures but knows some stereotypes really aren’t based in reality at all, as most Asians and Japanese people don’t have lip-defects, tho that now is being considered offsensive and money-making, as Mr. Yunioshi probably was a hit on the set of Godfather Pt. 1 as Marlon Brando and Mr. Francis Ford-Coppola now are apologizing and admitting they came up with the WAP joke but refuse to Google what that hell term means as Michael admits he too learned of it from Hollywood, as one Greg-Wood.net character acknolwedges he could play Walaluigi but yes his nose reminds us of a rat and he probably too was just spending too much time in the sun, but yeah, he probably was using too much hair gel and needed better glasses as his optician now acknolwedges he was probably farsighted and couldn’t afford new lenses but yes Walmart does exist in Harlem and has a very-secret $10 pair of metal frames that are probably the best damn glasses money cannnot provide, as they only cost $180 for two pair and an eye exam, but if they’re now sold out nationwide, they’re simply using Covid to underground railroad people to visit Manhatten and maybe pay Mr. Yunioshi rent because Roosevelt Hospital promises to close their mental hosptial in 20 years but for now simply has to stay open to help Manhatten pay for their garbage pickup and are very very sorry.

So no, the movie will not go out of public consciousness, as there is nothing new under the sun and no one on earth will denigrate Mrs. holly Golightly’s very cinematic performance, as all who enjoy this post-Class Hollywood gem will at least understand that Mr. Yunioshi was simply mean to expose ignorant and perhaps Korean and Indian bigots for what they are, only to be reminded he is still welcome in China as long as he pays back Bruce-Lee’s mother Gungo Ho’s back rent, as he swears he included his Green Card in his backpack as he visits his own still-very alive and in her body mother in Japan, while admitted maybe he’s a hypocrite for being so loud, but he’s never going to acknowledge that Jesus Christ can heal all, as he kept arguing that day with his father that only God himself can heal the blind, as his lip defect was given to him by God himself, and yes, that’s all he’s got to say for his apology.

Written by Michael Martinez-Ziegler
January 11, 2023